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Resting in the etherTrying to listen to Radio Ether
June 29 Late UpdateThis is a neat map of the Milky Way: http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap080606.html
Ancient Rowan headlines
I hesitated to post these because they are rather disturbing, from months ago when we were making up pretend headlines for some reason, but couldn't bring myself to delete them, so here they are-- Examples of Rowan's misguided attempts at humor (of course I explained that the idea of killing, eviscerating and destroying things isn't considered funny, even if you are saying them because you think they wouldn't ever really happen). My son!
Rowan goes to camp
Rowan finished his first week at day camp on Friday-- He doesn't go back again until the last week before school starts. The parent packet clearly states that all campers must follow rules that include two of Rowan's weak points (keeping your hands and body to yourself, and following directions), and anyone not following the rules would be kicked out of camp. So I put both those rules exactly as stated on Rowan's behavior chart for the month leading up to camp (though both have been on the chart very frequently since starting the chart a year ago), and have been trying to emphasize that those are rules everywhere we go. When I took him to the pick-up/drop-off point for camp the first day, he was very happy to be led off by a wacky counselor and I felt reassured-- Then when I came to pick him up, they told me he had a rough day where he was "touchy-feely" with the other kids and at campfire, when everyone gathers together to sing songs, do skits, etc, Rowan sat away from everyone and kept saying he wanted to go home. I was crushed-- I'm sure it showed on my face. I hate thinking he will be a little weird and a nuisance everywhere he goes.
So we talked about it. Rowan thought camp was boring, there was too much hiking, and he hated watching the skits because they were stupid. When they did boating and got to try netting newts and pollywogs, all he caught was some dirt and leaves. I reminded him that he had liked the hiking around the camp when we went to visit the camp at Open House just 5 days before, and he is actually at camp for a shorter time than he is at his school day care. And he wouldn't have gotten to get in a boat to try netting newts if he hadn't been at camp! Then I got him to realize that if campfire is at the end of the day, he knows camp is almost over so there is no point in repeating "I want to go home" during it, etc. Then the next day, he cried when I dropped him off because all the kids are "different," and he wanted me to go to camp with him. I explained that kids seem different until you get to know them and when you get to know them you realize they are all the same, and that the camp was made just for him and other kids to have fun, etc...When I picked him up, they said he had a good day! He felt better about the skits because his group presented one that day (The Invisible Bench).
On Friday morning, Rowan said, "This is the last day of camp....GOOD, it is so boring." Then we had a quick review of things he liked (swimming, boating, arts and crafts, songs, archery). One of the older counselors, a gentle young man called "Banjo" (because he plays banjo) walked in with us and got Rowan excited about the day. When I came to pick Rowan up, "Banjo" and another counselor told me how "amazing" Rowan is. She had been very impressed with Rowan's drawing from the first day at camp, so I assume that is what she was referring to-- While "Banjo" said something that I think was, "He can answer anything!" And he had a great last day where he told me, "I didn't do one thing wrong today!" and actually asked if he could go back to camp on Saturday!
Then he taught us songs he learned at campfire for most of the evening, such as The Telephone Song, The Great Big Moose,. He mentioned learning a new version of Princess Pat where they said "A rick-a-bamboo" instead of "A rigga-rigga bam-bam" like they sing at school; he likes the school version better. Also, a rollicking rendition of The Whipper Whopper Song, and Get D.O.W.N., which we played several rounds of and Rowan demonstrated his typical Saturday Night Fever moves (specifically, much backward and forward strutting, marching, spinning and all sorts of exaggerated pointing). Unfortunately, he won't share the songs with others, like his interested Grandma and Aunt Amy, because he fears being laughed at. Even though he keeps referring to it as boring, I think he acts as if he really enjoyed camp!
Of course, now Ada really wants to camp, so I need to sit down with Jim and figure out a good time to go camping. I still haven't reserved a yurt, I wonder if any are even available now? I bookmarked the locations I liked and just need to have Jim tell me which one he'd want to go to.
Rowan report
So, I'm relieved that he was in a new environment among strange children and caregivers for a week doing a variety of structured activities and seemed to come out fine, since he'll be repeating that in a range of new activities for the summer. I didn't want him staying at the school daycare all summer, so he's doing week-long learning camps (Camp Invention, Awesome Academic Adventures, Discovery Village Day Camps, and Cautious Kids) for half the summer, then at daycare the other half. What is weird is that he never comes home and calls daycare boring, even though I know it isn't very structured. So I don't feel bad about him being there half the summer, though if the camps go well, I might sign him up for more next year. By next year I'll probably really be driving by then, and work won't be so hellish, so that I could take time off to take him to camps outside of town (OMSI, etc). I hope he has a good time! His kindergarten teacher is coordinating the Camp Invention program Rowan is going to, and he said he thought Rowan would love it, so that is reassuring.
I think it was in May that we went to a TAG seminar about SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted). It was basically about establishing community networks so that the parents of gifted children could have each other as resources. Jim and I happened to be sitting in the vicinity of a very annoying family who took their three young children with them, including the gifted child, who frequently interrupted the seminar to graze at the snack table. At the end, the very nice speaker wanted parents to talk with other parents about raising their gifted children, and so we were compelled to talk to the father of this family, which further demonstrated their ineptitude in raising children by saying things like, "He [their gifted child] just won't sit still and needs to do stuff all the time, so he'll stay up all night just drawing something, we don't know what to do," etc. Of course we're supposed to be supporting each other, but my inclination would be to suggest establishing a regular bedtime routine and consequences for staying up all night drawing-- The kid was Rowan's age! You could tell the rest of the room was filled with parents talking more appropriately about actual issues with raising gifted children, rather than a total lack of competence and inability to establish appropriate boundaries for children period, like the family we had to talk to. Oh well. I found out later that week that a co-worker was there and saw me at the seminar! That was neat. She said that was the first time TAG had ever had a program specifically about community networking, and they have programs about twice a year (she has a 13-year old daughter so has been going to these a long time).
The last week of school, we went to the school carnival, which was fun. Rowan misbehaved at school that Thursday, so he was punished by having to sit in the principal's office during Field Day on Friday. The following Monday was his class's Kindergarten Celebration, where they sang their favorite songs, and gave us a tour of the classroom. Then Tuesday was the last day when there was supposed to be a School Picnic, but due to inclement weather it was instead total chaos and we ate lunch in Rowan's classroom (Collier and Sue came to share the awkward and disorganized experience).
We got Rowan's final report card from kindergarten last week, which showed his reading level as 22 (past 3rd grade) and mastering everything, except for the single "N" (Needs Improvement) in the usual realm of "Demonstrates respect for classmates, adults and property." We also got a TAG evaluation dated from March where they referred to Rowan using feminine pronouns-- Wow, thanks for the personal touch! I blame Brooke Shields. Anyway, the evaluation summarized how he is ahead of his peers and their "plan" for him is basically to not do anything different, and there will be a "fall conference" to discuss changes to plans.
So that the house is quiet while Ada starts her nap, and Rowan keeps in the habit of sitting down and doing school-type work, Rowan has an hour of quiet time where he works on a workbook until a CD is done playing. His favorite is the Curious George soundtrack, and he recently discovered the lyrics book to sing along with. So cute!
Ada update
Ada is still reluctant to use the toilet. She did finally use the toilet for the second time in possibly 6 months at school this week, with what sounds like the same dramatic, overlong anguishing while sitting on the toilet-- Though unlike at home, at school she actually ended the ordeal by putting something in the toilet! Now almost all of her friends are moving to the Preschool II class except her, because the prerequisite to entering Preschool II is being potty trained. The same thing happened with Rowan. What is wrong with me that I apparently raise children to be slow at using the toilet?
I thought my mistake with Rowan was that I didn't start early enough, or kept at him too much about going so that he thought of it as a chore. So I tried introducing the wonder of the toilet very early with Ada, and while she seemed interested and clearly understood the concept, she has never wanted to do it. And I also have avoided nagging about the toilet and only going, "Hey, you're still dry! Let's go to the toilet," which is always answered with the horrified banshee wails of, "Nooooooooooooooo, I don't want to go!!!!!!!" Then when I say, "You don't need to scream, that's not nice," Ada qualifies her statement with, "I only pee in the potty. I won't poop there!"
I realize it sounds like I'm dwelling too much on this aspect of Ada's development. She is very smart, loves reading, can spell her name and count past 20, knows her alphabet and talks very well (when she chooses to)! She is highly independent and wants to do everything herself, then gets in a high dudgeon when she realizes she isn't physically capable of doing something by herself (like folding a large blanket) the way bigger people can, then screams angrily at people who offer to help her (apparently disgusted at herself for needing help and angry at people condescending to her by offering help). I'm focusing on teaching her to put toys away when she's done playing with them before moving onto a new toy or activity, being comfortable with people helping, asking nicely, and staying at the table for meals.
Yesterday, because it was so unbearably hot, I suggested going outside and playing in the sprinklers after lunch (and an hour of playacting with Little People and Dora's Magical Castle). I just always remember how, when Rowan was 2-3 years old, we would play outside in the sprinklers/wading pool and when he laid down for a nap, slept forever. One time, I put him down for a late nap and he didn't get up until morning! I doubt Ada has ever had that sensation of being totally, luxuriously conked out! She likes being in full command of her senses. Anyway, Ada seemed to like the idea of sprinkler play and enthusiastically got into her swimsuit, but got very dramatic when I actually turned the sprinklers on. The sprinklers only go up to my knees and spray a very rain-like shower across the lawn, but Ada thought it was scary and wasn't consoled by watching Rowan and me frolic fearlessly around the yard in the sprinkles. It was a throwback to when she was two years old and screaming about going through a sprinkler while carried in my arms. I carried her "through" (really, over) the sprinklers and doubt she even got wet! Oh well. Maybe she is unconsciously protecting herself against that luxurious conked-out feeling that seems to only come from playing in water on a hot day. At least Rowan enjoyed it! She sat and ate a snack while Rowan and I leaped around some more. Maybe today I can set up the wading pool where the old play structure used to be.
Work woes
Work is endless, thankless and coming every which way-- We recently interviewed for our vacant writer's position and had 4 strong candidates, but two of them were dream candidates-- One is very strong on communications planning and publications design (plus takes her own photos for publications, which our now-manager has wanted us to do for some time), the other is big on social marketing and just finding new ways of communicating things, she was amazing! Anyway, one of current writers is retiring in August so we get to fill two positions instead of just one, so we'll get to hire both of these people.
I'm still leery of the idea of these two outstanding people coming into our disorganized unit. I don't know if it's our recent change in management and lead worker or what, but everything seems even more disorganized and unprofessional than ever. Part of it is how work is being thrown at us every which way, but I still feel a little bit that part of it is that we are not really being managed anymore. We have always been a self-directed work team, but really our lead worker did a lot of directing in how she assigned us projects, and with the changes and new lead worker, there is no direction. After all the talk about getting into communications planning and being more proactive about how we do things, it feels like we are now being thrown back to just doing what people tell us to do, which has nothing to do with planning or being proactive. So now I'm scared of what the new writers will think when they have demonstrated in their work history how they are into planning and doing new things. Oh well, we'll see.
Odds and ends
After we got our tax refund and stimulus payment in May, we bought a play structure kit and spent a couple of weekends putting that together, and had the boy next door coming back and forth most of the time-- That was nice but made me more painfully aware of Ada needing a friend to play with her age. I haven't noticed any 3-year olds in our immediate vicinity and when I see a parent on a walk with their 3-year old I feel weird saying, "Oh, we have a 3-year old, where do you live?" I don't know, it just seems awkward. I need to sign Rowan and Ada up for swim lessons. I had been telling Ada that she needed to learn to go potty before taking swim lessons with her preschool class (which is true) and I'm pretty sure it would be true of the Y, since that is where they go at daycare for swim lessons-- But I need to call and double-check. She did love swim lessons last year. Though she is too old for the class where I get in the pool with her, so I wonder how she'd do in a regular swim class. Hm....
Last month I started driving practice in earnest, driving for 15 minutes every morning around the neighborhood before taking the kids to school, then finally driving them both to school, and now I'm practicing driving home. Last weekend, I actually drove to another city! I need to practice turning corners and being cognizant of stop signs/ lights. I don't know why two of the most important things to be good at, I am bad at (relatively)! I'm walking from work to daycare to pick up Ada now that the weather is nice and because Jim has been regularly late picking her up, so the nonstop work of work on top of speed walking every evening to daycare plus driving practice before and after work basically wears me out, but I am just enjoying being at home with the kids more than ever. I'm also taking interest in yard work and making the outdoor parts of our home look nice, which is a change for me (I always considered that Jim's job), and I still want the kitchen refaced, do a lighter color in the living room (I knew dark green was a bad idea in the family room, so why did I let Jim do it?), new countertops/tile in the bathrooms, and we need to get a real shower in Rowan and Ada's bathroom. They're still getting baths because the "shower" is just a handheld thing on a weird adapter attached to the faucet.
A couple weekends ago, we made some board games. Of course, Rowan's board game rules were the most complex. He designed, named, and made up the rules for Race You to the End; I drew up a board for Ada so she could paint her own board game while Rowan and I painted Race You to the End. She did a great job! Since we made one game that used a die, and one that used cards, Rowan wanted to make a third game using a spinner. I made the spinner but couldn't get it to spin, so of course Rowan fixed it! Rowan designed the board, while Rowan and I made up the rules for the third game together. We couldn't agree on a name; I thought "Getting to Know You" would be a good name, but Rowan seemed to want a name that captures all the nuances of the game. So it was just The Nameless Game until last night, when Sue and Amy came over for dinner and I think Sue suggested The Rowan Game since Ada's game was named The Ada Game. That wouldn't have crossed my mind because Ada named her game The Ada Game, which Rowan and I laughed about because it was a silly name for a game!
The Ada Game
Race You to the End
The Rowan Game
Words of the day
May 07 Bloggity blog blogOK, my words of day list is pathetically long, so I'm going to pound out this entry and post some pictures. That is the tone of recent days-- Pounding stuff out at work with little enjoyment, and generally running around with my head chopped off. This week is spirit week at Rowan's school, so we'll be going to a school carnival, which should hopefully be fun. At work, it is just hectic as usual. We got our taxes done at the 11th hour, as usual, and found that because of the substantial raises we both experienced in the past year, Jim and I need to start thinking about deferring income so that we aren't taxed on it all--Flexible spending accounts, increasing 401K contributions, etc. We also found that we pay over $10,000 a year on daycare! Oh, joy. I realize it adds up but seeing all totaled like that was rather distasteful. And that could have all been deferred to an FSA and then spending that much would have been a benefit! Oh well.
Jarvis Cocker
He can cover Eye of the Tiger, Purple Haze and Paranoid and sends a little videographed kiss to giggling teenage girls around the world-- Wonderful! And make scads of young women walk like synchronized panthers? He is amazing! And he is working on a new album, hooray!
Wistful work
Anyway, I applied for the leadworker position but naturally didn't qualify-- But I talked to my manager about my qualms about applying and she assured me that she was glad I had applied and was surprised I wasn't on the list. Sob! At least I can say I tried. I just need another two years under my belt. I found out who the 3 candidates are for the position and was surprised at just one of them. I crafted some questions for the panel that gear toward the best possible outcome (i.e., someone who actually knows about design/layout and working effectively with stakeholders). My focus is on technological prowess (in the desktop publishing realm) and social marketing, an occupational passion since I discovered it! I was asked to sit on the interview panel but chose not to because of one of the candidates-- A somewhat creepy individual who basically stalked me for quite some time to try and lure me to his point of view. I know in his mind it was all entirely benevolent, but he still creeps me out and I don't want to be seen as someone who was at all responsible for his not possibly getting the job. Anyway, one of our current writers is now the leadworker-- It will be interesting to see who comes in as a new writer and if anything really changes around here.
Anyway, the interview questions I submitted make me chortle. To paraphrase, one of them is, "Show us 3 samples of work you personally created for department clients, providers, or stakeholders. Why did you choose to make them like this? What software did you produce them on?" This makes me laugh because one of the candidates would just write the text and have a design professional put it in the appropriate format. And two of the candidates have probably never produced material in anything other than MS Word. The other one is, "Look at these 3 samples. Which one do you think is the most suitable for publication, and why? What you would you do to improve any of these?" Because we want the person selected for the position to be able to discern crud when s/he sees it and be able to provide constructive criticism to repair the damage! Ha ha. I had fun selecting samples from past letters that have actually been distributed to our audiences-- It is painful to contemplate that some of them saw the light of day but hopefully the candidates will think they are just "pretend" letters and not real ones. One of the samples I selected uses the grotesquely unprofessional Bauhaus Heavy font. Maybe that font is appropriate for a rave flyer but a postcard to health care providers? Painful!
In other news, I recently had to attend a conference call with some of the people in my agency I most respect and admire-- Who I think have always thought I was so top drawer-- And get dressed down via telephone by a very pompous-sounding federal bureaucrat about being behind in my production of those quarterly and annual reports I am always doing. Perhaps you recall from past missives how I have always dreaded in the back of my mind the possibility that I would someday be reprimanded for my tardiness with these reports, though no predecessor has ever submitted them in a timely manner and I actually broke the slump by submitting them timely 3 quarters in a row! But the 2006 redesign process got me way behind-- The fact that I only received final instructions from the federal government on how to do reports from 3Q07 forward last month had me lagging a bit. So really of my own accord I'm only 1 quarter behind, the rest is due to the sluggishness of bureaucracy.
I had to endure several painful days of those cohorts whom I so admire stopping by my desk to tell me how sorry they were that I had to endure that phone call, thus I had to relive the pain again and again. Plus comments like, "I was going to come up to you and say, WHERE ARE THOSE REPORTS?, but I just couldn't do it" (presumably because of the agony apparent on my face at having to face someone who witnessed the embarrassing conference call). But it did make me feel good that all these people whom I look up to didn't think worse of me and were really defending me and reassuring me about the whole humiliating thing (which only lasted maybe 3 minutes in reality). The "Kim magic" manager was also at the call and he made a point of telling me, "I don't care what they say, I love your reports, don't change a thing!" Yes, he is still besotted with Kim magic even after that embarrassment! Then my manager came back from vacation and found out about the call and I had to relive it all over again a week later! But she didn't know about the fact that it was in front of all these people I admire until I told her.
She then commented how weird it was that me, the person with the most personal dignity in the unit, has had to endure such embarrassments. This was in reference to some other relatively recent crap I have had to endure with my sharing very rough drafts of communications with people and then having them distributed wholesale for review and comment behind my back-- When I had clearly indicated that they were rough drafts and I would send a review-ready draft at a later date. So I had to go through a slew of pointless comments that could have been avoided if this person had just waited for my review-ready draft. Not to get technical, but the communication was a 2-page 11x17 French fold (or quarter fold), so with double-sided printing and the right folds each page was 8.5 x 11. But because this person who forwarded my rough draft didn't understand this, he printed it at 8.5 x1 1 dimensions so the font size was miniscule-- As happens if you "shrink to fit" an 11 x 17 page to an 8.5x11 page. Of course for review I would have converted the format so it would print as 8.5 x 11 with appropriate font size for each page-- But I didn't get that opportunity so instead I got a lot of useless comments about upping the font size. Agh.
As a unit, we are now committing to tracking our time on the various projects we do, so I researched time tracking tools and found Toggl-- Which is great except that when you have Toggl Desktop running, Windows won't shut down until you shut the Toggl Desktop down. Which is no big deal, you just hit "Exit" before logging out. Now I have the benefit of seeing my open projects staring at me in the face until I start work on them and press the red Toggl button to start tracking my time-- We do track projects on a high level using a group "production calendar" but have had no real way to track actual time spent on projects until now. But I love Toggl! When you walk away from an open task for more than 20 minutes, when you come back and realize you forgot to press the stop button for the task, Toggl Desktop tells you (paraphrase), "You've been away for X minutes. Do you want to add this time to your task, or take it off?" I can't believe how perfect it is (except for the thing about the PC not shutting down if Toggl Desktop is running). And it's free! So that's the one current bright spot at work. How pathetic.
Rowan report
More testaments of dorkiness-- Apparently displaying his private parts in the bathroom and also peeking in the crack between the wall and door of bathroom stalls to see if a stall is vacant. To Rowan's credit, he only peeked to see if a stall was free. Of course, I pointed out that since bathroom stalls can only be closed from inside a stall, that if a bathroom stall is closed, you basically know the stall is in use and should just wait until someone comes out ("wait your turn"). I did point out the concept of looking under the door for feet but since that gets you close enough for peeking, reverted to the "a closed stall is a used stall" idea.
Anyway, as a result of his current public bathroom indiscretions, Rowan's PM computer lab time at school has been spent with typing repeated instances of "I will make good choices in the bathroom" and "I will not peek in the bathroom." Perversely, Rowan enjoys this because he loves anything having to do with creating words or images on a computer. Good going, school! For my part, I have pointed out to Rowan that if he wants to spend computer lab time typing, he can just tell a teacher that he wants to type and they will happily open MS Word for him-- He doesn't need to do something naughty and get tasked with redundant sentence-writing to earn an opportunity to type on a computer. I am half-tempted to tell Rowan about Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V in regard to the repeated typing of sentences, but of course see morally why I shouldn't. He already knows about Ctrl-Z.
In other news, we got a letter from the school district deeming Rowan "intellectually gifted" so I had to fill out some rather redundant paperwork about his interests and strengths for TAG. I also requested a conference to discuss how to address his giftedness in the school setting, since Jim seems fixated on the idea that this is of prime importance. I think it's more important that Rowan learn to be "normal" rather than get a lot of attention about what makes him more than "normal," but we'll see what happens. Although the meeting with the district psychologist, autism expert and special ed folks did seem to indicate that Rowan does not have Asperger's or any other definable condition warranting special education accommodations (though I still wonder about PDD-NOS), I don't want the "gifted" label to be an excuse for Rowan not being like everyone else. Since the Asperger's possibility was brought up I have had it in the back of my mind that being "intellectually gifted" is really seen as a handicap (as this article suggests)-- Is Rowan "gifted" because of a disorder, or do people just think he has a disorder because he's gifted? Does it make a difference? Sigh. We have gotten some notices about seminars for TAG parents, so I think Jim and I will go to the one this week about increasing network supports for TAG kids/parents-- That should be good for us, who are so personally disinclined to networking in any capacity. Anyway,
Rowan's class had a trip to the Rickreall Dairy recently, and since I am overwhelmed with work, I asked Sue if she would go-- So she went with Rowan, and they apparently had a good time! They fed a baby calf a bottle and saw the workings of a dairy. Rowan also noted that there was a wall "dripping with milk" and Sue stood against it, then got herself all wet in a puddle of milk! Interesting, I still don't understand exactly how that came about....
Then Rowan today, frustrated that Jim stopped at a local music store on the way home from school/work, exclaimed, "If Dad can choose to stop at a music store when none of us want to wait outside the store, then I can choose to not go to school anymore!" Further explaining that he could learn whatever he needed to at home, because he loves being at home and it's so much fun. Plus, "I already know everything I need to know for school!" While I do believe home school can be as good, if not better, than traditional school, I pointed out that since Jim and I work, Rowan couldn't have a teacher at home. He then explained that he could "make his own sheets" and "do his own work" at home. What a horrible idea, Rowan printing out his own worksheets at home or just working alone in workbooks while Jim slept and I was at work. I still picture myself someday staying at home full time, but it doesn't seem economically feasible until Rowan is at least in middle school....I pointed out how Rowan would be very lonely if he stayed at home and that a big part of going to school is learning how to work with other people, which is something that people need to learn about all their lives. I wonder how depressing that sounded to Rowan!
In other news, I finally stepped a little bit out of my shell this weekend and called our neighbors to ask if their 6-year old could come over and play with Rowan. That was nice! I'll feel better about asking more often since the neighbor dad said "Thank you!" several times, as if we were doing a favor by having the son over. The neighbor boy was very excited to come over and exclaimed after the initial run through the house, "Wow, your house is exactly the same as the last time I came over!" It is weird to see how young the neighbor boy seems compared to Rowan-- It's hard to believe they're less than a year apart. I love my brainy, articulate, debating bespectacled guy, who tells me, "You are the most beautiful girl in the world!" When I remind him that I'm a lady and that he should only say things he means, he says, "But I do mean it, you are the prettiest mommy ever!" So great-- He is adept at sweet-talking the ladies at age 6 and now I fear his bringing home some version of me in late adolescence! Bleh, creepy thought....
Ada update
Or maybe Rowan is just mocking the way I tell Ada she is the prettiest, sweetest lady ever? Ada is still as delightful, dramatic, and helpful as usual-- And still reluctant to use the toilet. Non-parents probably can't imagine the frustration about having a perfectly charming, intelligent, and unusually coordinated 3-year old offspring balk at doing something so ostensibly simple as pull her pants down and sit on a toilet and let what is supposed to happen, happen! As anyone could imagine, the older a child gets, the more disgusted some parents (such as myself) get about having to change diapers. We have now transitioned from diapers to pull-ups permanently and I have told Ada, "These are underwear until you get them dirty or wet. When you pee or poop in them, they turn into diapers. Big girls don't wear diapers!" She still apparently has that "losing part of myself" anxiety about going to the bathroom.
Mom came over on Saturday and took the kids to the park-- And before they left, Mom asked Ada if she would go to the potty before they left...And Ada just walked right over and did it! Of course, nothing came out, but gee, the magic of Nana! Mom thought it was because she, a "stranger" asked her to do it instead of me. And indeed, after a long morning with Nana, when Mom asked Ada to go to the bathroom again, Ada apparently felt comfortable enough to refuse to do it! Oh well, it was amazing while it lasted (one mere morning!). Alas. I have now started setting the kitchen timer hourly, so when it rings, I tell Ada that we need to practice going to the potty, and she gets a smile on her chart for doing it, even if nothing comes out. If by some miracle of sheer physical duress overpowering Ada's immense willpower, something actually came out in the toilet, Ada would get a candy, such as an M&M or other treat. Ada's favorite treats are M&Ms and the disgusting fruit snacks. I remember seeing fruit snacks in one preschooler's constant grasp and thinking, "Yuck, how can her parents keeping giving her that stuff?" We don't keep any at home, except for what Collier gives Ada on Sunday dinner nights. They are as good as gold to Ada, who sometimes even insists on having a fruit snack package sitting on her bedside table for her gaze at as she falls asleep. She doesn't even care if she eats (thus undermining its value as potty motivation), it's so weird! Rowan never showed such affection for any food or snack. This is where Ada takes after Jim, and Rowan, me. Anyway, she has been dutifully going to the potty hourly for the most part, but she refuses to let anything come out. She prides herself on saying, "I'm very good at not letting my pee come out until I go to sleep!" So she clearly acknowledges that going potty is a conscious effort that she is deliberately thwarting! Sigh.
Ada's favorite books are still those of the Berenstain Bears series, though I am quite cheered by her recent interest in Gus and the Baby Ghost. Whenever she wears something with a skirt on it, she declares herself "a pretty, pretty princess!!!!" and dances around ad nauseam. She was very excited about my recent eBay purchase of several nightclothes, including a Disney-princess themed nightgown that brought on the "pretty, pretty princess!!!!!" cries even more. Please know that I have never called her a "pretty, pretty princess!!!!!" or in any way encouraged an emphasis on looking, being, or dressing like a pretty princess! When she picks a book or movie with a princess in it, I read or show it to her but I don't make a big deal about the princess or how pretty she is-- Rather, of course, other qualities such as the princess's intelligence, good nature, etc. Though if Ada comments on how pretty the princess is, or how pretty her dress is, I acknowledge said prettiness to respect Ada's opinion and her powers of observation (while again bringing into the conversation other non-visual qualities the princess possesses). And I did put a Cinderella dress-up costume on her Amazon Wish List, but only because I know she likes dressing up and likes princesses, not to explicitly encourage "dressing like a princess"! Oh well, I just don't want to reject an interest of hers for no good reason.
In a recent survey of Old Navy online sales, I was dismayed to learn that Ada's current shoe size is equivalent to that of an 18-24 month-old, in Old Navy land. I need to get her in for a checkup to get her caught up on her shots and ask about her charming petite frame. She is still pleasingly plump all over, so I'm really not worried-- But even Ada calls herself "tiny" and it does bother me a little that she may not be as big as she should be (though when I visually compare her to her girl classmates, Ada doesn't seem smaller to me). In addition to making comments like, "But I'm tiny! I'm not a big girl, Mama," she shows great pleasure in looking at her shadow when it's big-- Sob! Plus saying things like, "I will ride a bicycle when I'm bigger. I'm so tiny, my feet don't reach the pedals yet, Mama!" And they don't, which is dismaying when Ada is so acutely interested in doing all physical things that bigger kids do (such as riding bikes). Rowan was never so interested in sports as Ada is. Anything we read that has someone playing a sport, Ada perks up and comments, "That's a sport! I want to do sports, Mama!" Which of course reminds me that I need to go to the gymnastics center with Rowan and Ada so we get some regular sport in the mix again. I would do TKD for Ada except for the fact of Rowan deciding not to do it, and I know Jim does not want to get into doing that again.
I recently eBayed for 3T pants, they just came a couple weeks ago and they all look so big. I wonder how much longer it will be before she fits into them! On both sides of the family, petite women seem to rule, so I shouldn't be worried-- Yet I think I'm of above-average height and was hoping Ada would be the same. Oh well, obviously you can't control genetics. I'm just hoping the petite part doesn't go hand-in-hand with undue chub.
She loves the word "giant" and will use it in almost every instance where it would probably be more appropriate to say "big"-- Oh that Ada, she is just the most hyperbolic lady! I love the way she talks. She still talks with that very hackneyed little girl voice ("applesauce" is "apo-sauce") yet she talks so clearly and daintily, and says things like, "I would rather do that all by myself, just for you, Mama! Oh, I would really like to do that for you!" "I'm not bigger yet, I'm still so tiny! But I will get bigger so that my feet can reach the pedals of my tricycle, Mama, and then I can use it better."
Recent outings
We went to the annual Oregon AgFest, but didn't manage to make it seeing actual livestock this year. Rowan and Ada had fun playing in the pretend Family Market (where Ada loaded her miniature shopping cart with a boggling array of ice cream containers), romping around the oversize dairy products in the Oregon Dairy Farmers exhibit, petting baby chicks and emus in the Poultry display, and watching video footage of a foal's birth (which Rowan repeatedly declared was "Disgusting. Totally disgusting!").
We got our favorite Cosmo's Caramel Corn, wandered around impressive farm vehicles, then went to the depressing Collectors Market, which had nothing very interesting to offer, but one vendor gave us a bag of kids meal toys and another vendor gave Rowan a bookmark blessed by the Dalai Lama. I guess that is your reward for bringing young children to suffer a boring stuffy Collectors Market? The vendors probably all felt sorry for them!
Then I took the kids back to the car to snack and wait for Jim to come back. It was too agonizing to go through the aisles of "collectible" stuff and make sure they didn't touch anything. Ada enjoyed a prolonged game of almost touching something then looking up and saying, "But see, Mama? I didn't touch anything!" Then singing, "See, I'm not touching anything!..." "I'm not touching!" The only items of interest I found were purple Kool-Aid Man cups that matched the two we have at home. But why would we need four Kool-Aid Man cups? And some overpriced Asian prints from the Dalai Lama acolyte.
With the economic stimulus payment and recent tax refund, an upcoming outing will be to purchase a swingset/playset and fencing for the backyard. My other desire is to redo the kitchen a little (replace the cabinet doors, maybe the countertop, strip the hideous fruity wallpaper border off the soffet and paint). Another night this week I will make a point of reserving a yurt. Jim said he just needs to know what weekend it's reserved for and he will ask for the weekend off. The deluxe yurts have cable! Yes, we like roughing it, don't we?
Words of the day
March 22 March-end meanderingsI think I can now gauge from the length of my words
of the day list when I should post a new blog...This latest list is getting
pretty long! I feel rather shabby due to an inexplicable sore throat and
apparently experiencing the first
stages of dehydration over the weekend-- The cumulative effect of not having
my normal 2 pitchers of water at my desk daily, due to obsessing over work to
the point that I don't leave my desk to even fill my pitcher, take a break, etc.
Despite sustained rehydrating (at a rate of sometimes 4 pitchers a day), and a
Chloroseptic
and ibuprofen
regiment, my throat after one week still feels horrible to the point that I feel
like crying when I try to eat dinner. If it is still this bad on Monday,
I'm calling a doctor. It must be illness because on Wednesday, I was so addled
in a meeting as to say, "I'm not feeling very well...I just feel very
fuggy...Er, fozzy...I mean, foggy and fuzzy." Only repeated listening to my
current favorite song alleviates the pain...Oh well, I think it's
funny!
I also had the stupidity on Thursday to be unaware
of the school's pre/post school care being closed for kindergarteners (to open
at 2:30 p.m.), so I was unexpectedly at home that day. I really need to
pound into my brain that if only kindergarten is closed, then I need to stay
home. This is the second time I've made this mistake-- But I checked the
district calendar and apparently this only happens two times a year, so at
least it won't happen again until this fall! Wednesday was a good time
to catch up on housework, boil eggs for dyeing, and work in the
yard while Rowan made chalk drawings of a rocket, the solar system and
three different hopscotch patterns on the porch and driveway.
Anyway,
Work woes
I'm now working on applying the department's new
"look" (seen here and here) to
various publications I'm responsible for. I love tweaking things and
experimenting with layout and design, so this is pure escapism while I stave
off trying to regain enthusiasm for a never-ending project,
and the other new
project I'm responsible for, communications-wise. We have had a lot of
personnel changes in my office which results in a lead worker position in my
unit being open, but I'm waffling on applying for it since I don't think I have
the soft
skills necessary for it-- Despite going through Leadership Academy. I am
generally assigned to pretty internal, technical projects that don't give me the
opportunity to interact outside the department or do a lot of partnering.
Before I read the qualifications, I had felt
obliged to apply because I feel like I should always try to move forward if I
have a chance-- Even though I'm not sure if everyone would really like it if I
got the position. Then I read you need "5 to 8 years" experience in public
relations-- I've only been in my current position for 3 years. So I felt
relieved that I didn't qualify so that I wouldn't feel like I should have
applied. But then I had two different people tell me they think I should
apply, and one of them seemed to think I had to do it because of all my great
ideas, etc. Then seemed depressed and really disheartened at the idea that I
wouldn't get the position. So that made me rethink things (again)....I am so
uncertain about asking anyone else at work their advice on whether I should
apply, ugh.
There is a lot of things I'd like to work on, and I
don't interact with everyone as a "friend," and I think the "friendly" aspect
has been a sort of barrier to progress in the past. Where is the respect for
authority if everyone is your "friend"-- When one candidate didn't get the
manager position for our unit, a coworker said, "I think [that person] becoming
manager would have been totally demoralizing for our unit!", thus
insulting a completely decent human being. She clearly thought it would
have been horrible for this person to be our manager. Why? Because he's
not a "friend"? We're at work! I have also been compared to this
person on more than one occasion, so who knows what people would say behind my
back. Anyway,
I did just notice when looking at my email archive
that I have been writing communications since 2003, so maybe I could finesse
it-- It's one of my special gifts to be able to write state job applications in
an accurate yet technically qualifying way. I think I would need new
references-- There are probably "new" people who would be willing to be a
reference for me, I'm just too negative, I assume the lowest level of interest
possible. Whatever, I am overthinking this when it is just a lead worker
position (though it is two classifications up from my current level, which would
be another $400 a month)-- Oh well, I just need to submit my application by the
26th to be considered. Maybe I should just be content on working my (as
one manager put it) "Kim magic" on whatever I'm doing. How flattering that my
work is seen as magical! When I redid the format of the reports
I am bound to do 4 times a year (and am redoing for the new "look"), he made a
point of telling me how wonderful he thought it was, and extolling its virtues
to others at a management meeting. That was nice, since no one else really did!
The same manager apparently has decided I will work on communications about some
other project he is working on, which he hasn't told me about yet-- I found out
from an acquaintance in passing while washing my hands in the restroom the other
day. She said that this manager said, "She understands everything I say!"
Hence my apparent automatic qualification for any project this manager is
responsible for. Wow, how flattering, I not only work magic, but I somehow
understand everything he says (in his rambling, erudite and tangential
manner)! Though I am pretty sure anyone else in my unit would also be able
to understand what he said. Maybe it's just that I am very patient with people
who are bad at verbalizing their thoughts because I'm pretty bad at normal
conversation myself. Anyway,
My first date
In a very long time...To a Battle of the Bands at
Rock N Roll Pizza! Yes, I was
really "excited" and "enthusiastic" about the event. One of Jim's
co-workers played guitar in one of the battling bands, hence Jim bought
tickets to attend. I had no idea he had purchased the tickets until the night
before, when I finally suggested not going. But since Jim actually bought the
tickets, I interpreted this as real interest in attending and so finally
obliged. In reality, I was wondering if this was really worth an hour drive back
and forth, in addition to parting from my children-- But it turned out,
ultimately, to be fun. Kris stayed to housesit as the children
slept.
We got there at 10 p.m. and it was completely
packed, so we went straight to the bar. I can't remember the last time I was in
a bar. Christmas 2005? It seems like Jim ordered me a Manhattan in the
recent past, but I can't remember where or when. Obviously the bar at Rock N
Roll Pizza did not do Manhattans...The band we came to see did not come on until
12:30, so we spent most of the time chatting with Jim's co-workers, including
Jim's self-proclaimed "second wife," the cafeteria cook, who was so nice yet
disturbed me with her asides about how "totally crazy" Jim is. How could she
know? Or, maybe I misheard and she was saying "lazy," because she
went on for some time about how she felt so sorry for Jim and his
co-workers because they have nothing to do unless a
mechanical emergency happens and then all heck breaks loose-- So their time
is spent killing time, or working non-stop. But she also reassured me about how
everyone loves Jim and thinks he's the greatest, "a real hero" at work, which is
nice to hear!
Several of Jim's co-workers were there to support
their fellow employee, which made me guiltily remember not attending the pizza
party premiere of a co-worker's appearance on Wheel of
Fortune (where she was the big winner
for the episode, getting something like $60,000 and a trip to Mexico)-- Everyone
enjoys Wheel of Fortune on some level, at least it is more universally appealing
than progressive metal (and only 30 minutes, and was taped), yet all these
co-workers who were clearly not metal fans managed to stay at Rock N Roll
Pizza for over 3 hours to watch their co-worker's band perform! What is wrong
with me? I am so ungenerous with my time outside of work. Anyway,
Since the venue was all ages, a trip to the ladies'
room found me washing my hands alongside what looked like chubby
12-year old blond girls with side-ponytails, dressed like Rock of
Love rejects. Since going out on an actual date and going to an actual
bar, combined with my recent awareness of my general aging process as manifested
in my stubborn refusal to lose another 10 pounds, several silver hairs on
my head (envied by my 3-year old), made me feel pretty self-conscious about my
appearance, facing my worn out reflection in front of these young girls was
a weird feeling. Blah.
We got home at 3 a.m. and then proceeded to start
the following day at 7 a.m.-- I do not want to do another date like that unless
we have the kids spend the night at a grandparent's house so we can sleep in, it
was ridiculous. I wasn't hungover, but I learned long ago that I don't function
very well on less than 6 hours sleep. But at least now we know what to do if
a show we both actually really want to go to happens!
Rowan report
We have received a few reports about Rowan in the
past month-- One was the result of a meeting where they determine if he meets
special education criteria. Both Rowan's AM teacher and I completed
the assessments independently, but with identical scoring results (equaling
"unlikely" to have an autism spectrum disorder), and the district psychologist
said he noticed Rowan had some very stereotypical behaviors, which surprised him
after reviewing the assessments. He noted walking with arms
out, compulsive tugging on name tag, and a tendency to babble/wordplay
to the point of ignoring/blocking people out. The name tag thing reminded me of
how he sometimes tugs repeatedly on the collar of his t-shirt, but he doesn't do
it anymore, so I think those were nervous behaviors. I don't know. Then the
psychologist had to go to another meeting and said he could "go either way"--
The language specialist said Rowan was clearly superior in his language skills,
and basically bad at social skills, but didn't give any opinion about whether he
qualified or not. Anyway, the result was that he was just did not fit the
criteria and the school would introduce Rowan to social
stories to help him figure out how to behave at school. He still is doing
better at school than he was before (still no yellow slips)-- We'll be
meeting again in May to see if we need to reassess things and take stronger
measures.
Another report we got was about his TAG test
results-- They used the Kaufman
Assessment Battery for Children (K-ABC). In sequential
processing, he got a 90 percentile score. In simultaneous
processing, he got a 99.9. This resulted in a composite score of 99.7 for
overall mental processing....Then the nonverbal testing (which varies in content
by age) was a 99. We still don't know if that means he will qualify for TAG--
They need to consider other data as well.
Finally, we got his second quarter progress report.
In his first quarter report, in the "above kindergarten level" reading section,
he got a 9 (late 1st grade). This quarter, he got a 22 (late 3rd grade). It was
really weird to see that jump-- It is weird in general to read reports that tell
you in black and white how mentally "superior" your child is, even though I know
it will hopefully all even out as he gets older. Rowan has also started
commenting on things like, "I can read long words like replacement, and
the other kids in my class can't! I'm the only one in my class who can read
replacement. Or character. It's like they don't know how to
read." Of course, I just say, "It's neat that you can read long words. But
everyone learns differently, they'll learn to read those words too," etc.
Anyway,
This dovetails with my fear that he will just be a
dork for most of his youth, as exampled by Rowan's inadvertent reporting that
older kids ("graders") told him to say things like "I'm retarded" and "I'm a
dork," which is clearly partly a reaction to Rowan's annoying recent tendency to
copy whatever you say. I have told him it's rude to copy, it's considered
mocking, and people don't like it because they feel like they're being made fun
of, etc. So I would almost say Rowan's deserves it, except Rowan said the
graders didn't say those things to him because of copying. So the other
available explanation would be that Rowan is acting like a dork (e.g.,
using silly voices, just acting totally dorky for no apparent reason). I don't
want to blame Rowan for others teasing him but I want him to be aware that his
actions can sometimes give people a reason to make fun of him, and that he
should give other kids a reason to tease him....So painful, but why would Rowan
not be a dork? I was.
Ada update
I am starting to be worried about Ada and how it
will feel for her to possibly find out her beloved big brother is an apparent
dork that older kids make fun of. She thinks the world of Rowan and she is just
so cool and normal, everyone loves Ada and thinks she is the greatest thing
ever....Yet she looks up to Rowan as if he is better than she is, so what if her
perceptions somehow turn around to thinking, "Why did I ever think he was great?
Wow, he really is a dork and I'm better than him!"? I know my
imagination/negativity is just working overtime, since she is only
three years old. Rowan was also quite delightful at three.
She is a wonderful conversationalist, really
delightfully helpful and cooperative, funny and full of fun and kisses, etc--
But why won't she use the toilet? I realize she is advancing at
around the same rate as Rowan in this department, but it is a little
disappointing when you hear that girls usually are more advanced in this area. I
am doing something wrong or just have very stubborn children (in regard to
toileting). I have no idea why she is so reluctant to go, except that when I
finally convince her to try it, she says she's scared to put her pee in the
toilet. I realize it is that thing about "losing a part of you" in the toilet,
but ugh...If you can lose it in a diaper, why not the toilet? She likes flushing
it, and knows it is yucky to pee and poop in a diaper. Last night, because her
mattress pad was still in the dryer, I asked her to make sure to hold her pee
until she got up the next morning-- And she did! But wouldn't go to the toilet
when I suggested it after finding out she was dry and making a great big deal
about it. She has also taken to saying "Goo goo, ga ga" in the past week, maybe
to convince me that she is still a baby who needs to have her diaper changed? I
know this doesn't last forever, but I want it to end!
Words of the past several
days
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